One Year Since My Last Chemo

Wohoooo!!!! November 7th was one year since my last chemo!!!  Here's to many more!

Chemotherapy Side Effects - Adriamycin and Cyclophosphamide (AC Chemo)

Everyone has different chemo side effects.  I thought for "fun" I would list mine here.  Adriamycin and Cyclophosphamide (Cytoxan) were given together so I don't know what side effects were from which one, but I think these two are often given together anyway.

Side Effects from Adriamycin and Cyclophosphamide Chemo

• Tiredness, fatigue.  Not much that can be done for this
• Yucky feeling.  Not much that can be done.
• Red to pink urine.  I drank a lot of water and went pee as soon as the urge hit because UTI's are more common on AC Chemo.  Yes, get up in the middle of the night if you have to go.  It is worth the trouble.
• Feeling "hungover" for a week - no motivation to do anything, hard to focus/concentrate, just want to sit there and not move.  This is probably why adriamycin is named the Red Devil.  It is horrible.  Not much to do for this one but it does go away.  Thankfully I was able to be home on disability.  If you have the chance to do the same, I say take it.  There are no medals awarded for those that continue to work and push themselves to do their normal things during chemo.
• Hair Loss - it happens around day 14 after your first chemo.  I started to have major shedding on day 12 and cut it all off and donated it on that day.  I had a nice wig and several hats and scarfs.  It was winter so I slept in a scarf or hat to keep my head warm.
• Heightened sense of smell - I call it my "supersonic" smelling which I understand makes no sense, but everything smelled so strongly.  I could smell cigarette smoke (which I hate anyway) from a mile away, ok maybe not a mile but from really far away.  I also couldn't stand the smell of some plants that were growing in my area.  They had this really strong musty smell that when I smelled it would feel like someone was sticking needles up my nose.  I also couldn't stand the smell of lots of food.
• Food Aversions - oh, let me count the foods I didn't like on AC Chemo- 
• Coffee!  I LOVE love LOVE coffee and at first had no desire for it, then after a few rounds it smelled good and I got really bad heartburn afterwards.
• Acidic foods
• the only things I did like were plain chicken breast, potatoes in any form (including plain lay's potato chips) apples, rice and avocado.  Avocado saved me!  So yummy, easy on the stomach and has fiber, protein and good oils.
• soda (I'm not complaining about this one)
• the aversions got worse with each treatment
• Dryness - dry skin, dry mouth, thirsty,dry eyes
• For Dry Skin, I got some really good unscented lotion and gooped it on, and often.  10 full pumps after the shower!
• Dry Mouth - Biotene is awesome.  I could totally do a commercial for biotene cause I loved it during chemo.  Totally saved me
• Dry Eyes - not horrible, but they were dry.  Regular eye drops worked.
• I was thirsty often.  This isnt that bad cause drinking water on chemo is a good practice and helps with other side effects.  One time I remember drinking water and it tasted like it was the best thing in the world to me.
• Constipation - Holy constipation batman!   I am not the praying type, but I prayed I would poop.  Yeah, it was that bad.  I ate fiber one cereal every morning and took stool softeners.  Avocado also has fiber.
• Stomach issues.  The stereotype is that you will be vomiting all day every day.  I never vomited.  I was nauseous twice.  I had horrible heartburn/sour stomach/food aversions.  I was given pepcid and prilosec and they helped, but I still ended up eating really bland simple food and having issues.
• Insomnia - steroids are given to prevent allergic reaction and they have their own set of side effects.  Insomnia is one of them.  I didnt have it too bad, but I did go to bed late and wake up early and would often wake up in the middle of the night too.  Insomnia is worse the first few days (when you take the steroids) but it can strike at any time.  Some people dont sleep at all for a few days.  I was lucky and did sleep.
• Hunger/Weight gain.   This is mainly due to the steroids.  There were a few days that all I did all day was stuff my face.  And this is hard when you have a lot of food aversions and smell aversions.  But I still managed to find stuff to eat.  Cheese and pasta and avocados.  It was hard to know what would taste good/sit well.  I felt like I didnt know what foods I liked anymore and heard complaints that I didnt eat what I bought (cause it didnt sound good later or go down like I wanted it to).
• Swallowing issues.  I actually went to Urgent Care for this one.  I couldnt swallow.  I was starving but couldnt eat.  I was thirsty but couldnt drink.  Swallowing saliva hurt.  When I couldnt swallow water I new I had to go to the doctor.  The stupid urgent care doctor looked at me and said there was nothing wrong.   It did feel like the tightness was lower down on my esophagus but he was ready to walk out without doing anything for me.  Um, no.  He gave me some lidocine rinse.   It helped but I had to gargle with it immediately before eating, then eat really fast while not being able to taste the food cause my tongue was also numb.  But I was able to get food down and make my stomach stop grumbling.  I also had a lot of protein shakes about this time.  And the swallowing issues started after the 2nd or 3rd chemo and only lasted a day or two (like day 7 or 8 past chemo)
• Mouth Sores - I had them for a couple of days after each chemo.  Around days 7-9, same as the swallowing issues and the lidocaine rinse was applied directly to the sore and was a lifesaver.  I had one on the back of my tongue that really hurt.  
• Anxiety about the next treatment.  I had AC every 3 weeks and the first week I felt like crap.  The second week I felt better (comparatively) but my counts were low and I had mouth sores and swallowing issues, and the last week I started to feel like me again.  Just when I started to feel good is when I would have the next treatment.  Imagine getting the worst flu of your life, being in bed for 2 weeks then knowing you will get this "flu" again.   It messes with your head.  I even cried as the nurse administered chemo number three cause I did not want to feel bad again.  Thankfully that round had the fewest side effects.Feeling isolated - people were trying to contact me and make plans, however it was hard because I didnt know how I would feel from day to day.  Every day was different.  By the last round I got better at predicting how I would feel, but there were still surprises.
• I have some scarring on my arm that I had the infusion.  My arm was falling asleep during my second Adriamycin infusion.  The nurse stopped and had me move my fingers but there is still some scarring.  I had most of my infusions with the IV on my left hand.  I have some scarring from the taxol too and I cant wear my ring on that finger.  I think it is in part because there is some damage and in part because of the weight gain from Taxol.

These are the side effects I had after my chemos and how I survived them.  I created this post to help someone else that is either going through chemo or planning to do it soon.  When I was first diagnosed I was looking for real stories like this because the doctors tell you ALL the side effects that you could have and most people do not have all of them.

I am almost 8 months post my last chemo (I had Taxotere/taxol after AC) and I am doing well.  My hair is growing, slowly.  My stomach is mostly back to normal (I do have some issues with really acidic or spicy foods but it is rare and manageable), my mouth is mostly normal (still dont like soda and cola makes my mouth feel tender afterwards) and I cant wear my ring, well I can wear it but it is hard to take it off.  I am not the same as I was before chemo but I am doing much better and it is very manageable.

One Year Follow Up Mammogram

Sorry for the long absence.  I have been trying to live my life again.   And I had a scare.  Stupid cancer.  I had my annual Mammogram and on the one year anniversary of my first chemo (May 16th) they called me to tell me that they found something suspicious on my "good" breast and needed to do a biopsy.  I had intended to write a great post about the difference a year can make, but then I was right back in the middle of all the cancer crap again.

The worst part was they told me the first available appointment for an ultrasound biopsy was like 3 weeks away.  And that is when I lost it.  I was on the phone with the lady making appointments crying my eyes out and yelling at her that I just finished chemo and radiation for breast cancer and I absolutely could not wait 3 weeks for an appointment.   I feel bad for yelling at her, but I think that unless you have been on the wrong side of bad news you do not know how much it really messes with your head.   Waiting 3 weeks to know if I have to go through the same crap I did the last year would be mental torture.   Thankfully she put me on the waiting list for an earlier appointment and ended up calling me later that day to say they had an opening the next day.

I was scheduled for an ultrasound guided biopsy, same as I had when I was diagnosed.  This time they looked for the suspicious area that was seen on the mammogram and could not find it.  That is good news and bad news.  The good news is that maybe it is scar tissue from my surgery or something else benign.  The bad news is they cant test it to see if it is cancer unless I have a stereostastic biopsy.  A stereostastic biopsy is one that you lay face down on a table with your breast hanging down through an icehole cutout.  Down below they put your breast in a mammogram, take a picture and keep you in the compression until it is developed, do this a couple more times and then when they are confident they can sample the right area, they stick a giant needle in there to do the biopsy.  They gave me anesthetic in the beginning but when it was time to stick the needle in there it hurt.  Really bad.  So they gave me more happy juice and I was ok.  It was sore for a few days and there was a little lingering tenderness for a couple of weeks.  The scar still looks a little red.
I had the biopsy on a Thursday and figured they would not call me with results until Monday.  On my way home on Friday my oncologist called me to tell me the good news.  It was NOT cancer.  It may have been scar tissue or who knows.  I will go back for another mammogram in 6 months.  I was really happy that my doctor called me after 5pm on a Friday to give me my results.  She said she was almost ready to leave and checked to see if my results were in.   Thankfully I have integrated bluetooth in my car so I was able to answer the call while driving home.  And thankfully I was only about 2 blocks away from home when she called cause there were happy tears flowing.   I almost forgot what happy tears felt like.

I am still not out of the woods.   Cancer is one mean bleep bleep bleeep bleeep.  I am thankful for every day and fully intend to be one of those success stories, but you never know with cancer.

I have been working a lot, relaxing a lot and trying to grow some hair.  I do have some hair and am very thankful for that but it is growing a lot slower than I would like.    I am trying to live my life again and do things that have nothing to do with cancer.  For the most part I am doing well, but I stress over every little twinge or pain.

I'm getting the urge to go on vacation again . . . time to start planning.  Researching vacation places is a lot more fun than researching cancer treatments, symptoms and side effects (though I still do that too).

Things I am Thankful For - Not Just on Thanksgiving but Everyday

1. Being Alive.  This past year has taught me that even when things are not going well, at least I am alive to experience them.  What I once considered a bad day pre-chemo is now one that I wouldn't mind having.  Perspective is everything.
2. My New Perspective On Life.  I always thought I was living in the moment and experiencing everything, cancer has a way of making you want to go out and do things sooner rather than later.
3. Modern Medicine including chemotherapy, anti-nausea medicine and stool softeners.  Yeah, I said stool softeners . . . chemo can really mess with that.  It is on the long list of side effects.
4. That I was able to find out who really cares and who could care less about me.  Sadly it had to take cancer for me to really see peoples true colors.
5. For the Best Sisters a girl could ask for.  I have no real sisters (or brothers for that matter) but I found the best surrogate sisters online.  They all have breast cancer too and they "get it" in ways that only someone who has been through chemo, surgery and radiation can and it is a place where I can "talk" about anything and I mean ANYTHING no topic is too gross or off limits with these lovely ladies.  I am sane today because of them and love them more than I ever thought I would love a group of ladies I never met before in real life.
6. That I am done with chemo and am PFC.  PFC is Post Final Chemo, one of the many cancer related acronyms and some people use a different word for the "F"
7. That I chose to do chemo first and felt my tumor shrinking away after each treatment.
8. That I have good insurance, really good insurance.
9. The many years that Julie brought happiness into this world.  She is missed terribly but every minute she was here she made the world a better place.
10. That I was not injured when a 20 year old kid ran a red light and plowed into my car totaling it.  Cars are replaceable, I'm not.
11. That insurance is giving me a fair value for my car.
12. Turkey, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie.
13. Coffee, and that I can drink it now despite a 6 month chemo induced hiatus.
14. Disability that allows me to pay my bills while recuperating.
15. The Internet . . . what did we do before it? 
16. That one day I will have hair again.
17. That despite losing my fingernails and toenails that my nails are growing back.
18. That on chemo I never once vomited.  I had IV antinausea medicine, antinausea pills, backup antinausea meds and even backup of the backup antinausea meds.  And every time I saw a doctor or chemo nurse they would ask if I had nausea and reinforced several times that today there is no reason for me to suffer with nausea.  Vomiting during chemo is now history.  Not to mention that half of my chemo treatment didn't even cause nausea/vomiting.
19. Pinterest.  When my stomach wasn't feeling well I had to totally change my diet and often didnt know what I wanted to eat.  Pinterest with tons of pictures of food really helped me think of new ideas for things to eat.
20. Western Toilets.  This can be filed in the random files . . . somehow I managed to remember a toilet I saw in China.  I'm not even sure how to use this toilet (I had to go but chose to hold it).  That reminded me how thankful I am for western toilets.

I'll admit I started this blog post around Thanksgiving but never got it posted (I have a lot of drafts) . . . I know I have more things to be thankful for but I will post this now so that I don't forget about it again.

Radiation Healing

Yayyy I was done with radiation on February 19th :-)  I went on this machine thirty one times - 25 whole breast radiation treatments and 6 boosts that are a different type of radiation that doesn't penetrate the skin as deeply.

Radiation Machine.  The machine is set up for the boost but it is the same machine for the whole breast radiations.  The blue things are to help support your arms as you hold them above your head while getting the radiation.

My skin was pretty red and irritated afterwards.  I kept putting the hydrocortizone on it for a few days then switched back to the Aloe Vera and I intermittently did Aquaphor too.  It didn't really hurt much but did get darker and darker and then started peeling.  The skin underneath was very pink and tender looking - I tried not to peel it more than I needed too and it is still peeling a little bit, more like flaking off in little bits and pieces.  It is more annoying than anything.

Since I have scars on both side that looked the same before rads it is clear to me that the radiation side scars look a LOT better.  They are almost non-existent.  Even my SNB scar.  Really.  There is also some dark discoloration in my armpit and all around my breast, but I think over time that will fade.  Or maybe I should say I hope that will fade cause it will be visible in a tank top or bathing suit.  Oh but I have to be careful getting sun on it for the next year anyway. I am putting the Aloe Vera on daily cause I think it will help and that the skin is still peeling or is a little dry - I can't tell.

I started wearing deodorant again about a week or so after my last radiation.  I am still afraid to shave under that armpit.  I have some fine hairs on the upper part of my armpit - there are none on the bottom half and that skin is darker, even after the peeling.

My place gave me a certificate of completion of rads.  I think it was nice of them . . . I just feel that completing chemo was a bigger achievement.   I did get to ring the bell when I was done with chemo . . . but a certificate would have been nice too.  I think after 31 days of seeing me they think more about these things?  I even got a hug from one of the technicians on my last day. 31 is a lot . . . but prostate cancer patients have to have 38!!!

Here is a picture of the outside door of the radiation room I went to most often.

They close the door when they are giving treatment   The beam on light flashes on and off and there  is a whirring sound that also goes on and off when the beam is on.  The door is 6 inches thick and there is a long hallway before you get to the radiation machine.

I am going to try and post some pictures of my armpit and from the radiation place, if my chemo brain will remember.

I'm happy to be done with radiation.  Am I glowing?